| |
    |
Deconstructive Surgery being an out transsexual woman there is one question that follows me around where ever i go inquiring minds want to know have i "gone all the way" you know, have i had “the surgery” and to me, it feels like a no-win inquisition if i tell the truth: “no, not yet” then i get to deal with everybody else's emotional baggage because nothing makes people more paranoid than a real life female with a phallus straight men shake in their boots at the possibility that they might accidentally become attracted to me and those who patrol the gates of women-only spaces are often dead-set on discriminating against me driven by the ridiculous belief that my girly little estrogenized penis is somehow still pulsating with hyper-masculine energy on the other hand having the operation has its own stigma attached to it no medical methodology induces as much fear and anxiety as SRS sex reassignment surgery a friend told me that he once saw SRS on the video "faces of death" sandwiched in between real life shark attacks and murder attempts some people go so far as to call SRS a form of self-mutilation conveniently ignoring the fact that more common procedures such as nose jobs and liposuction also involve the removal of a small amount of non-essential tissue most people are surprised when i tell them that the surgeons don't really cut the penis off they just turn it inside out and move the nerve endings around to make a functional and realistic looking clitoris and vagina at that point, i am invariably asked if i want SRS so that i can have sex with a man and you should see the blank stares i get when i reply: "no, but i’m really looking forward to having my wife fuck me with a strap-on dildo" see, we live in a phallic-obsessed culture where we're all trained to believe that everything having to do with gender and sexuality somehow revolves around the penis that's why so many clueless straight guys come on to dykes with pick-up lines like "once you've had the real thing baby you won't ever go back" they actually buy into that crap and it is also why most people can't even talk about transsexual women or SRS without centering the discussion around "the penis" but the thing that nobody seems to get is that my desire to have SRS has absolutely nothing to do with my penis this is about me wanting to have a clitoris and vagina but we don’t even have the language to describe this desire it's the ultimate freudian slipwe naturally assume that all young girls suffer from penis envy but we can’t imagine that any boy could possibly have its polar opposite it’s all in the words we use when someone is bold or brave we say they have “balls” while words like "pussy" and "cunt" are only ever spoken as insults and while everyone seems to understand how the penis works we treat female genitalia like they’re a mysterious black box most young women aren't even taught the names of all their body parts many people are unaware that the clitoris even exists and as for the vagina well aren’t we all taught to see that as simply the hole where the penis is supposed to go? so it’s no wonder that most people assume that i must be mentally ill because in this culture wanting to be a woman is something most people find literally unimaginable and when i do have SRS my surgically deconstructed genitals will no doubt be seen by some to be an abomination or blasphemy because my cunt will be the ultimate question mark asking how powerful can the penis really be if a sane and smart person like me decides that she can do without it? and if the world supposedly revolves around the penis then my SRS will knock it off its axis and phallic symbols everywhere will come crashing down like nothing more than a house of cards after all, a cigar is always just a cigar and i am simply me and i refuse to let anyone project their penis obsessions onto my body as far as i’m concerned if they can't fathom why i might want to trade in my penis for a clitoris and vagina then they're the ones who have the gender disorder. |